Sexy Birth – Oh, It’s a THING!

By: Care Messer Birth, Sex & Intimacy August 16, 2018



Sexy birth – You down?

Believe it or not, there is a sexy side to labor and birth that does not get addressed in normal conversation. I don’t know if it’s because of our countries foundational Puritan values or if people just have so much shame around sex that it’s too embarrassing to talk about. You know that 99. 9% of us got to the planet by way of a penis entering a vagina right? That’s how we reproduce. Nothing shameful about it – sex keeps the planet occupied with beautiful little babies(and frankly keeps me in business). We also have sex for affection, connection and pleasure. And when we bring those three elements to a labor then we also bring the hormones and pheromones that support those kind of feelings in a woman. When affection, connection and pleasure surround a woman, she is more able to feel safe, let go and open herself to the vulnerability that birthing a human being requires. Just like an orgasm, birth requires surrender to the process and that’s where the greatest joy can be found. When a woman is curious about the fears that once held her back and is open to exploring new possibilities to own her birth experience, magic can happen.  Just like in sex, we need to let go of our internal dialogue and all the stories we have in our heads about expectations of outcomes etc., to fully let go and experience the pleasure.

Depending on our comfort level with our own sexuality, I have seen two things happen during labor and birth. A woman who is in full connection with her body(in regards to sex and pleasure), can turn that pain into intense sensations and uses her skills in “letting go” to complete a process that she embraces and welcomes. I have watched those births play out as a doula and have been mesmerized each time.

In my personal experience, I was not connected to my sexuality(yet) – oh that I had a second chance for a “do over” birth! But through my birth education and practice in “letting go”, I was able to embrace the process and discover my power as a woman. A power that I wasn’t sure if I should talk about. Why was no one else talking about this? I almost felt some shame around it because it was so amazing. Maybe I felt some sort of guilt for having a good birth experience when those around me seem to be upset or traumatized by theirs. Not being in connection with my sexuality and still feeling shame around my body and shame around pleasure, had me wanting to hide the pure ecstasy I experienced in my body for the first time. I would not say my birth was orgasmic or pleasurable but in surrendering to the intense sensations(the contractions) the power of the waves, mixed with the pheromones and hormones, topped any physical experience I had ever embodied in my life. That “birth” day was my life’s turning point. I have seen many women find the exact treasures within their birth.

Allowing yourself to be fully vulnerable in birth opens you up to a different level of empathy and love for everyone around you. It also opens you up to an ancient, inherent understanding of the power within a woman’s body and mind. The power in your body and mind. Yes, our bodies are meant to reproduce and they function well in that capacity. But our bodies are also meant to experience pleasure, full release and connection or those systems wouldn’t be built into our bodies so intricately. The labor and birth process can be your first full experience in surrendering and letting go. But it doesn’t have to end there. It’s about time we, as women, embrace our bodies, our minds and all of the magic we can create.

About the author:
Care is the founder of the Birth Education Center, San Diego HypnoBirthing and Cuddle Sanctuary San Diego. She is a Birth Educator, Hypnotherapist, Birth and Postpartum Doula, INNATE Care Provider, Erotic Blueprint Coach and also professional Cuddler. She specializes in connection work between people and increasing self boundaries for a more balanced life together.