Rewire your Doula mindset! – Doula Series Ep. 1

By: Care Messer Birth Doula, Doulas, Education January 3, 2019


When it comes to doula work, we seem to focus on “how to get clients” way before we have mastered ourselves. And THAT sounds like an impossible task – mastering ourselves. But the journey of mastering ourselves is time better spent, than making New Year’s resolutions we toss out after a week. We have better businesses if we have our stuff together – WE are our business. EVERYTHING can be learned, we can always do better and there is a community out there to support your growth!

When I started my doula business, I felt lost. I was ready to attend births(even though I was nervous as heck)but I didn’t know how the families would find me. My former boss was encouraging me one day with my new adventure and suggested that if I kept reading at least fifteen minute a day(which was required at his office when I worked there), I would find the pieces I needed to succeed. He said, “You will keep looking at things as “on their way” if you are always working to improve yourself. Success is a mindset. You want to level up so that you get to work with families that are leveled up.” It was the best advice I have ever gotten!

I began my personal growth journey with “Excuses Be Gone,” by Dr. Wayne Dyer. That book changed my whole perspective. I began to see that certain stories I adopted, had created how I was living and gave me so many excuses as to why I couldn’t achieve something or be a certain way in the world. Those stories and ideas were told/taught to me and I chose to believe them because they came from trusted sources as I was growing up. The only problem was – they were not me. I was living as if they reflected me and who I was – but they did not. These stories were other people’s expectations or projections that had been passed onto me.

Reading fifteen minutes a day was simple since the phone wasn’t ringing with babies yet! I read a lot! This is a habit I enjoy 12 years later. Actually, I get even more reading time since Audible came into my life! Dr. Dyer’s book took away many of the excuses I carried as to why I couldn’t succeed in some areas of my life. The old thinking and old ideas had to be replaced with more productive thoughts and behaviors. That book gave me a great foundation to change my way of being in the world and create a successful life. I still go back to it each year to fine tune old patterns that may be showing up. Get a hard copy ladies – it will be well used and well-marked!!

Video Transcript:

– Oh it’s January. And one of the questions that I’m getting from the newer doulas that are coming in to take our classes in starting in a week is where do I start? In San Diego, when we get together in December, we have a Christmas holiday party, and we kind of talk about what works for our businesses and what didn’t. And we start planting seeds for what’s coming up in January. Every January, we have doula circle that does vision boards, we set intentions, we do affirmations, I do a visualization for everybody and it’s so much fun. And it’s a big networking event for people coming in that have never been to the center. But there are key things that we do that I think are a little different, and that’s what I wanna talk about today. When we are thinking of the stuff that we wanna set resolutions for things that we need to improve on, I hate resolutions. They make me feel like crap. I never accomplish them. And the only one that I always consistently keep is that I’m gonna eat two more packages of Oreos this year than I did last year. So it really doesn’t serve me well. Except I love Oreos, and they taste so good. So, I have dropped the new year’s resolution thing. I don’t believe in them, I don’t teach them. What I teach and what I believe in is we try and improve a little every day. We set our intentions from where we wanna go, and we just try and make progress with that. We’re not always gonna be good at it. And most of the time we’re gonna fail at it. But I don’t look at those as failures. I look at those as that didn’t work for me. What’s gonna be better and work for me differently? Because we can say I’m procrastinator, nothing ever works. I can’t ever get anything done. Technology’s way too out of my scope. I can’t do this. I’m an old doula. This doesn’t make sense to me. There’s a lot of things we can say that don’t work. We can also say I’m dumb. That was dumb, stupid. Why do I do stuff like that? And we can be self deprecating with our thoughts. The first thing we have to start with is changing our mindset. We need to start with our language. We need to start with I can accomplish that. Every skill that we want in our doula business and in our life can be learned. There’s not anything we can’t learn. And if we are changing our thoughts to, that’s what I’m gonna incorporate, that’s what I’m gonna do will shift every bit of our energy. That is the most important part about setting intentions for the new year and going forward. And having success is changing the mindset. Our language is key to that. And as hypnotherapist and as a hypnobirthing teacher, and that’s where I came from, the language is the biggest shift. The first thing I wanna encourage you to do, hands down whether you’re a newer doula or an older doula is buy Wayne Dyer’s book, “Excuses Begone!” memorize it, listen to it. I have it on audible. I listen to it probably three or four times a week off and on with different chapters. He will blow all of the memes and all the negative talk you’ve had about yourself out of the water. You literally have no reason to have an excuse about not doing anything after you memorize that book. And that was probably the first book that shifted my whole business, shifted my life, shifted the way I teach, because I couldn’t say I can’t do it anymore. I think my birth helped with that as well. Because once I did that it blew my mind as the kind of power that a woman has. So, start reading that book first thing. If you haven’t read it, you’re a older doula, you need to read that book, because it’s gonna start shifting things in your business. So what kind of things can you let go of? Before we set intentions what can you let go of? Bad language, catch yourself doing it. And think about the phrases that you’ve always say about yourself? One of my friends always says, I can’t do technology. It’s too big for me. I hate Instagram. Facebook freaks me out. But that’s where our moms are. So we have to learn it. And that’s something that she has been told. She’s also been told you learn differently. It takes you two times longer, three times longer to do anything, but that’s what she was told. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true. So if you take longer to process you take longer to process. That’s not that you’re stupid. That’s not that you can’t do it. So shift those memes that you’ve heard your whole life. You’ll never accomplish anything. You’re crazy. Nothing’s gonna work for you. Who told you that? That doesn’t necessarily have to be you. It’s literally a choice. Am I gonna choose to do what I wanna do? And am I going to find a community that’s gonna support me to do it because there’s always a community that will support you to do it. Whether you’re a doula, an accountant, you wanna go to RN Nursing School, whatever. There’s always a community that will help you. But you have to change your mindset and go towards people like that. So maybe letting go of bad people in your life or negative people might be another one, but that’s a boundary issue and we’ll talk about that later. Next, what do you want to focus on? What do you want to bring in? I wanna bring in more abundance. That’s a big word. Exactly what do you wanna bring in? I wanna bring in more skills, I wanna bring in more education. I wanna bring in more confidence. You can do all of that. When we do our vision board at the end of this series, you’re gonna be able to piece those things together. Right now make a list of the words that you want, the feelings that you want to come into your life because really it’s the feelings more than the actual items that you’re trying to attract. When we do a vision board we don’t do it for I want a glacial house in Beverly Hills, I want a brand new Lamborghini, we’re doing it to attract the kind of business we want and the focus we want in our lives. I will tell you that we train each other in creating better lives for each other as women. It’s way more about that than it is about the doula work, because that shifts us into better doulas. We are at the mother image, we are holding that space for women. And if we aren’t working on ourselves, we don’t hold it very well. So really, these videos are going to kind of teach you how to attract the deliciousness that you want in your life so that you can give it to mothers, so that you can give it to family, so that the partner see that they have a big role in this, that you’re supporting what they’re doing for this baby and you’re empowering them to make their choices. That all starts with you. It starts with your morning routine. It starts with how you shift your energy and your focus on love instead of what you’re not doing. So you can focus on the negative and the fear and the anxiousness or you can focus on I can do this. I’m excited about it. It’s gonna work because it can work. It’s a choice.

About the author:
Care is the founder of the Birth Education Center, San Diego HypnoBirthing and Cuddle Sanctuary San Diego. She is a Birth Educator, Hypnotherapist, Birth and Postpartum Doula, INNATE Care Provider, Erotic Blueprint Coach and also professional Cuddler. She specializes in connection work between people and increasing self boundaries for a more balanced life together.