It’s Not About You, It’s About Your Baby!

By: Care Messer Birth, Pregnancy June 20, 2018


There are many reasons why we just gestate a baby for 10 months. This 10 month transition time is crucial for all of us involved. Babies do their part physically by growing their many different systems and becoming fully prepared to live on the outside of us.  But they also serve us emotionally in growing us into our new role as parents at the same time they are physically developing.

If we had babies in nine short weeks like my Pomeranian’s do, we would not be anywhere near ready to raise a human being(I don’t know if we’re fully ever ready to raise a human being but 9 weeks would end humanity in my opinion)! Without this transition time between conception and birth, we wouldn’t have any time to let go of life as we have known it. Being an autonomous woman with only obligations too ourselves, our friends, school, work and our partner, is a lot different than a tiny human depending on us for their very life.

In today’s society we are so distracted from this huge responsibility of becoming a mother, that we may not be spending the time needed to prepare for that. Social media gives us an outlet to show how our bodies are changing and keep everybody up to date on our belly growth. With YouTube we want to do the best gender reveal possible and are Pinterest guilt weighs heavily as we strive to create the perfect Nursery.
But during all this transition time what’s going on with this little baby inside of us? They are not an autonomous human yet and your feelings are their feelings. Are you nervous, worried and stressed out? Then they are too. Are you taking steps to calm those worries and fears or are you in denial about them and stay focused on the outward distractions so you don’t have to think about it. That’s what I did and it didn’t serve me well. I let me fear keep me from bonding and getting educated.

I would love for all pregnant women to use this 10 month time frame as a “letting go” of the old self and “welcoming in” the new, abundant and different life that is about to take place. If women took these last few months of freedom(from the baby, diaper bag and lack of sleep that is on its way) and reflected on their life as a “non-mother” and took more time for self-care before baby – we would not regret that for a second! One more nap, one more massage, one more walk under the trees with our partner, one more spontaneous movie night, one more connected meal at our favorite restaurant, one more girls lunch with our best girlfriends. Use this time well instead of for wasting it with distractions that truly do not matter.

I’m grateful that at 7 months I had my wake up call to switch my thinking and help me connect and bond with this little girl that was on her way. By connecting with her and finally understanding that this was HER birth and not mine, my focus began to change toward being her mom NOW – not waiting for her to come out of me before I claimed that role. I changed providers so I knew who would be supporting my birth at “go time”. I got educated so I could let go of fears and begin to bake her in love, not worry. Education also gave me a better understanding of what kind of experience I could create for her no matter how she chose to be born. I also added a doula and a lot of birthing techniques to keep me calm and relaxed no matter what labor had in store for us. We became a team and I looked forward to labor and the whole birth experience. That was a HUGE switch from my scaredy cat self!

The pressure of having the “perfect birth” left once my perception shifted to my daughter and what SHE was experiencing during pregnancy and what she could experience at her birth. I moved into being her mother, her best advocate and with the evidenced based information and providers I surrounded myself with, my pregnancy became all about her. Ten months is a lot of time to reflect, plan and gather tools. Don’t let outward distractions keep you so preoccupied you lose this time that has so graciously given to you to become a mother. It’s not about you, it’s about your baby.

About the author:
Care is the founder of the Birth Education Center, San Diego HypnoBirthing and Cuddle Sanctuary San Diego. She is a Birth Educator, Hypnotherapist, Birth and Postpartum Doula, INNATE Care Provider, Erotic Blueprint Coach and also professional Cuddler. She specializes in connection work between people and increasing self boundaries for a more balanced life together.