Can I Have A Natural Birth? A Birth Story

By: Care Messer | Hypnobirthing | November 18, 2020

Elana and Rafik came into class with a lot of fear and a lot of questions. Over the course of the five weeks, there were more smiles and a doula was hired! Not only did they rock a natural birth, but they did it with a sunny side up baby! Elana came to understand that this was her baby’s birth and she began to trust her body and knew her son how to be born. Her quick labor reflected that trust and she said there was no stress. You will hear about her best labor tools and how her OB responded to her requests once she began gathering more education within the class series. Her husband has quite the testimonial for hiring a doula. Stay tuned for their final thoughts about the “hippyness” of Hypnobirthing!

Video Transcript:

– It stopped being about me, it became about helping my child to come to this world safely and fast and happy.

– Nothing really, I didn’t really think much about it, I just have a very health-aware wife, and she looked into all the options of what we should do, you know, to prepare, and that’s when she came across your class, and she forced me to go to your introduction and I was like, “Okay, fine, let’s not upset her.” And then in the introduction, you said everything that I was worried about, because she had all the information and I had none, so I couldn’t win a contest with her and I had no idea what to do or how to support her. So I am glad I got this class, because I don’t read and I don’t research and your class was just the best thing ever because I just had to sit and listen. In my opinion, I think your class was the best thing that we did, if, you know, if we wanted a natural birth, this was the only way to go, because you know, people wanna hike Mount Everest, they just have no idea what they need to prepare for to get to that state, and I felt like this is what we did with you, is I got desensitized to what to expect, how to overcome the fear. I had no idea what a doula was, and I couldn’t imagine doing this without her, and I just learned a lot, I got desensitized to a lot of things I never thought I would be okay with. Your videos were amazing. It’s just the whole energy, being around people with the same mindset, with the same mentality, with the same goals, it was more than just education, I felt comfortable, I felt connected, I felt like there was a community there that wanted the same thing, and you made me realize that it’s possible, with videos, with talks, with watching 500 births over the span of one month. You know, you look at yours, and you’re like, “Ah, just nailed it.”

– I knew that I wanted to have an unmedicated birth to begin with, and I started to research information how it can happen, and came across hypno-birthing, and then we took class with you, Care, which was amazing, because there was so much knowledge and the whole birthing process completely, like perception of the birthing completely changed from pain and fear and scary, it went to like working with your body and working with your baby, like it was really, really, gave me connection with the baby, and how shall I breathe. And it stopped being about me, it became about helping my child to come to this world safely and fast and happy with no medication, and with me helping him. So it was very empowering and encouraging, and the whole class atmosphere was so supporting, and it was fun, and it was, like we got a lot of knowledge how to talk to doctors, for example, what I can say no to, who is doula and what she can do. The class was very educational and empowering because I knew what shall I do and what shall I accept even at the hospital, especially that we had a hospital birth, this wasn’t like an at home, so it was definitely, gave us a lot of knowledge and understanding, and of course the whole process, if I shall say, of birthing completely changed. So, we were actually hoping to have our baby on July 4th because he was 40 weeks, June 28th, right? And we were like trying to–

– Figured it’d be cheaper to tell him, “Oh, these fireworks are for your birthday.”

– Every year, yeah, so we were hoping July 4th but he came actually July 7th, and we didn’t even think before, but then like after the fact, my birthday’s 10/10, his birthday is 12/12, and the baby came 7/7, so he had his own plan, he wanted to join the club I guess. So how it started actually, it was Sunday, and we were ready to go walking the stairs because I was already overdue, I was like 41 weeks and three days.

– We were talking our way out of induction at this point.

– Yes, yes, because we knew that we can actually, after the class, we knew that we don’t have to agree to the induction, which was like a crucial point for us. And then, during the discussion of walking the stairs, contractions started. It’s like, okay, that was like at one o’clock on Sunday, and then it progressed really quickly, right? Our doula showed up like at 3:00, 3:30 she came here, and–

– She has a history of fast labor, and I thought it was gonna be three hours and we’d be done, so when her labor started, I felt like we needed to call the doula immediately because given her history, I know that we didn’t have much time, put her in the tub, called our doula, and for some reason, she knew that she’d have to come even though we heard in class that it takes awhile after the first labor and whatnot. And one hour, she’s in the tub, and the next thing, she can’t even walk because she was so stretched out.

– Yeah, it progressed fast, and then we went to the hospital around like 4:30, and I was already nine centimeters open, so from triage, we kind of–

– Well.

– Yeah?

– You wanted to cheat and take the ambulance, thinking the ambulance wasn’t the baby in the car.

– Yeah.

– And then–

– At home.

– And then the doula somehow.

– Convinced me to–

– Convinced us,

– To go.

– To go and she kind of, she worked her away around the situation because I wasn’t planning to carry her, I wasn’t even allowed to touch her, and for some reason, it was only Crystal that was allowed to touch you.

– Yes.

– And I felt like the abandoned child, but I was okay with it. So she managed to get her from the second floor to the car and then she’s yelling at me, I’m freaking out, I almost missed the turn, then the doula comes in again, and she’s like, “No, you missed that, “don’t miss that, that’s not the right turn, “take the other one.” So that was the first, that was the second save she did.

– But here’s actually, I think now that I’m thinking of the part when I couldn’t walk, I had to crawl in the house–

– You would never have crawled if I told you to.

– But then, you know, like you realize that you have to get up and walk to the elevator, and this is when you work with your child, the perception of birthing changes, that it’s not about you anymore, and you just find the strength and you get up and you go because it’s for your baby. It’s actually amazing how our body works, body, mind, even if you think that you just can’t, you can. And it’s possible and doable, you just, like I don’t know, like some angels just lift you and walk you to the elevator. So we went to the hospital, kind of skipped the triage because I was already nine centimeters open, and then they took us to the room, and I felt like oh, if you push, then I’ll be done. Didn’t happen. The baby had his own way of coming out in time, because he was coming sunny side up, and he was a big baby that we didn’t know at the time, and through the whole process of labor, doula was amazing, like honestly. She knew how to turn me, how to touch me, she just guided the whole process, not the nurses, not the doctor, it was very comforting. Very comforting.

– I wasn’t allowed to touch her so I’m glad I paid someone to do it for me.

– Yeah, that’s for sure. Then it took like four, five hours of pushing before the baby decided it was his time to come out.

– It’s just, it went exactly the way we imagined it. It was just amazing how, just by little shifts in your position or touching a certain place, and having a person that knows that, it just goes a very long way with what we’ve been through.

– Well that plus breathing, breathing helped a lot, so like two things that definitely must, it’s to understand how to breathe, to learn how to breathe through even the phases, that’s at the beginning, then through the mild surges and then to pushing part. Like three different breathing techniques. That helps like drastically and doula–

– And the doubts, we didn’t doubt, we didn’t have any doubts throughout the process. We had firm no’s, it was almost we had our own little energy bubble, like if you’re invited, you’re in, if you don’t invite it, you’re out. We went through five nurses and two doctors. One of the most ironic part of it is out of 200 gynecologists in that hospital, the doctor that ends up helping her out is her friend’s sister in law.

– That was another–

– The scary part is she remembered her name and who she is in the middle of all of this.

– Actually, I don’t think I gave up control ever, actually through the process. I didn’t, because I remember even when Crystal came, and I’m like in the tub and I’m in pain, and I was like, “Do you want water, do you want tea? “Like how can I make you comfortable?” She’s like, “Don’t worry about me, “just work on yourself” basically.

– The chocolates did magic though.

– Yeah, and the same was in the hospital, I was like, when I knew that my friend’s sister in law was a doctor, and I was like, I was trying to make a small talk with her, but it was like natural, it was like, “Is your brother happy that it’s a boy? “Congratulations.” It was, yeah, interesting. It was like, I say it was fun, not fun like it was painless or no stress, actually I think it was no stress to be honest with you, because we, we had knowledge, and we were supported with breathing, with knowing what’s gonna happen, we don’t know exactly how it’s gonna happen, but we knew what to expect, because of the class and all the knowledge that we got and we had a doula.

– We had a good team.

– It was a comfort, yeah.

– Like I think in the matter of the team would be you, the doula, and me, and I, given that I wasn’t pushing anything except her leg, I had a more bird’s view of what was going on, and I just, I was impressed by every single one in that room. She did a really good job.

– You know actually what I did with the blanket, he tried to put it on me, and I just like grabbed and threw it just like don’t touch me.

– Yeah, I wasn’t allowed to touch her. I was the guard dog working the perimeter. I was the gatekeeper.

– You never know what’s gonna work and what’s not gonna work. Just be open and go with the flow, this works, this doesn’t work, this touch is amazing, this is like don’t even touch me, like I can’t smell this or I love this. It’s just go with the flow.

– I guess it’s just we never accepted anything that didn’t feel right, that’s the bottom line. Whether it’s the doula, or–

– Doctors’ appointments.

– Doctors’ appointments, yeah. You gotta be in tune with yourself in this situation.

– Oh, there was a funny moment actually, they were telling me, “Blow the candle,” like the breathing, blow the candle, and then they told me, “No, don’t blow the candle anymore.” I was like, “No, I have to blow the candle.” Because the pain was like, I knew I can manage the pain with blowing the candle, and when they told me don’t do that, no, I have to. I was blowing the candle. Again, it was control, I wasn’t just like, “Okay, no blowing the candle.” I was controlling the breathing, it was funny. And I had like actually Crystal’s hand here, and I was like kind of hanging on it and pushing and squeezing, and Crystal’s like, “Can I have my hand back?” I was like, “No, no, I need it.” And then I apologized to her, I was like, “I hope I didn’t break your hand, “but I really needed it.” That was my comfort, like my pillow, my safety blanket, whatever it was, like my hand, like doula’s hand. To him it was like don’t touch me. Whatever works. Definitely take the class, because the book just doesn’t do the same, you know, it’s just like the dry material on the white pages. It gives information but it doesn’t answer the questions, like specific questions you have, again, how to communicate with doctors and what you can say no to the hospital, and that induction is not an option, the only choice you can go, you can actually don’t do that. So all this information, we got in the class, or even the cervical checks, you know, I never did it, but if I didn’t take the class, I would never knew that I can say no to it. Actually to be honest with you, after the class, the way I started speaking to my OBGYN was completely different and she changed. She didn’t push for whatever I said no to, she never even like second doubt me, it’s like, I said no, that’s fine. It was like, that was very powerful. She knew I was coming from different place now. So taking the class helped us a lot, a lot. Empowering, encouraging, perception of the birth changed completely, like no more fear, no more pain, and a doula. That’s given. Get the doula, that’s the tool.

– Well, I just think that you should know what you want, even if you want to have an elective C section and not feeling the pain, that’s completely normal, you don’t have to do any of this, but if you wanna be eccentric and stand out of the crowd and learn about what you’re doing to your children, there is support, there’s help, there’s a lot of information out there, and don’t single handed say, “Oh, I’m just gonna go “have a natural birth.” Just learn about it, know what you’re getting yourself into beforehand so that when the time comes, you know exactly what to expect and how to deal with every obstacle that will show up in the way.

– That’s true, if you are planning to have unmedicated birth, natural birth, you definitely have to prepare, definitely. There is no way you just can walk into the hospital and just do it, no. Like, I have a few friends actually who thought it was gonna happen, didn’t happen at all. You definitely have to be prepared for this. I think the perception about hypno-birthing, that it’s like a hippie thing, or like weird stuff, ’cause not so many people actually open to the idea, and it’s completely not. It’s very natural, and it’s for a lot of like educated people actually, like even in our group, they were like lawyers and architectures, doctors, dentists, it’s just for people who are more on the natural end, health, conscious about health, right?

– They’re just more educated, I would say.

– Yeah, it’s nothing about hippie or something weird or like smoking pot or nothing like that, right? Like that was as surprising for us that it’s a lot of educated people actually.

– And it’s an educated decision, you know. If you want, and whether you want to do it or not, just if you want a C section go for it, but just know what you’re doing, educate yourself about the benefits of C section versus the cons and the risks and the pros. You wanna do a natural birth, educate yourself and I think the biggest message is you need to think about this is not about you being in pain, it’s about the journey of your child and how he’s gonna enter this world.

– Yeah.

– Good job.

About the author:
Care is the founder of the Birth Education Center, San Diego HypnoBirthing and Cuddle Sanctuary San Diego. She is a Birth Educator, Hypnotherapist, Birth and Postpartum Doula, INNATE Care Provider, Erotic Blueprint Coach and also professional Cuddler. She specializes in connection work between people and increasing self boundaries for a more balanced life together.


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