Home Birth In The Pandemic | A Birth Story

By: Care Messer | Hypnobirthing | November 18, 2020

This birth story is unique in that Kevin had already been through a birth experience with his first child and didn’t have the warmest experience within the hospital setting. So when Kelly said she wanted a home birth, he was all for it. Kelly began researching her birth team at five weeks along. I remember her calling with a list of questions and we worked through them all (hint: birth educators LOVE when you call them after you pee on a stick! ) The earlier you seek out an out of hospital educator, the sooner they can direct you to the best resources your area has to offer! Birthing at the front of the pandemic, they were educated on home birth, what to do in case of a transfer to a hospital, and even had a plan for an unexpected cesarean. Listen for the great story of her midwife and doula laughing in the kitchen and what that said to this laboring woman! Education, especially early education – gives you SO many more options for a great birth!

@birthwavesmidwifery @monet.florence.coaching

Video Transcription:

– Our team cleaned everything. It was incredible like towels.

– Laundry, and it was…

– Took the pool down, It was, we came out of the bedroom, I came out maybe three hours later and it was our house and spot.

– I think it was cleaner than before.

– Yeah, so we got super lucky ’cause this one right here knew from the get go that she wanted to have a home birth. So I have a six year old daughter to be six this year. And I went through a really kinda crazy hospital birth. And that’s what I knew. And so when Kelly said that she wanted to do home birth, I immediately said, that’s kind of crazy. Are you sure you want to do that? But she got that’s the birth that she wanted into. We started reaching out to doulas and midwives soon, right?

– As five or six weeks. Right when we found out that we were pregnant, Care was actually the first person that I personally spoke with, Kind of to see what our options were. And she was kind enough to spend about an hour on the phone with me. It was fantastic. And from then I kind of cemented my thought that I wanted a home birth then a midwife and a doula.

– Yeah so we reached out to a couple of midwives and we found Tatiana who’s on the call, who is awesome. You guys have any thoughts about whether you may or may not wanna have a home birth or a midwife at your birth? I will highly recommend Tatiana. She is awesome. And just not to go into what she does. ‘Cause it’s all great. We’re 11 weeks postpartum and she still comes and sees us. So that’s crazy service. If you’re not paying what people usually get, you don’t usually get that. So yeah. So as part of her services, she, I know we were looking at the Hypnobirthing class, but she was able to get it all set up so that we could get in through the class with Care. And I’m so glad that we did, ’cause it’s a great class, but really the, I guess the purpose is the birth. So we have kind of a COVID baby. I call my little plague baby. We were one week into quarantine. We were the only couple in our class that had a planned home birth, which I was kind of surprised, but that’s, everyone’s birth is different and you get what you want and there’s no right or wrong, but I was so thankful for it because at that time it was so crazy that partners weren’t being let into triage. So I heard horror stories of partners and fathers getting stuck out in the car for six, seven hours until their partner went into to deliver. And yeah, that was not what I wanted. And that’s not what we got. So, we got some great tools out of the class. It’s not how to hypnotize yourself into not feeling anything. It’s just more so kind of like a, be prepared, share your fears kind of scenario. So I was pretty comfortable coming from a, Oh my God, crazy home birth in the bathtub mentality as father to, yeah. I’m so glad we decided to take this route out, so.

– Yeah, the class was wonderful. You were able to get tools that really we could use at home during our son’s birth, as well as if, even if we were in the hospital. I feel like a lot of what we learned in the class we could have used in the hospital, we could use in a birth center. So that’s, that’s awesome. Especially since we were the only people planning for a home birth and we did receive a lot of good information about our options in our hospital should we be transferred to one, what they would offer us, what we could decline, what our rights are, that sort of stuff. And that’s incredibly important because I can personally say going through birth one time, I would not be in the right mindset to make decisions for myself, should we have be ended up in the hospital. So being at home it definitely helped with that. But if you did have to go really knowing what the experience might’ve looked like and what our options would have been.

– Yeah, I think between what we discussed and learned in class and the tools that Tatiana provided us as a midwife, we were going into it, not head in the sand, like no we’re going to be at home, that’s it? It was like, here’s our plan for at home. And then if we have to transfer, here’s our plan for transfer. And then if for whatever reason, we have to have a C-section, here’s our plan for that. So you got to kind of really prepare for everything and not really know what you’re going to end up with, but don’t try to delude yourself and to think that you’re gonna, this is how it’s gonna be… Things change.

– Things really do change.

– SO my water broke around 1 or 1:30 in the morning. I thought that I peed myself because that’s what she was doing.

– Which is good.

– I was doing a lot of. So I didn’t really think anything of it. I went back to bed and then I realized I’m either peeing a lot more than normal or my water just broke. Contractions didn’t start though until like eight or nine that morning. So after my water broke, I just went back to bed. In the class, And what your midwife, if you have one, what your doula if you have one And what they’ll tell you is sleep when you can, and they’re not kidding. So really sleep when you can, if your water breaks and you, you’re not having contractions or anything, just get that rest because you’re gonna need it at some point. So I went back to sleep, then contractions started around eight or nine the next morning. What time did we call?

– Yeah, so we were both working at home, which I’m really glad that I didn’t have to come home from work. I wasn’t expecting that I was gonna have to jump in the car like an idiot and speed home. Cause they tell you, you can say, but it was just nice too. It was nice for me to be there because I’d say I started the timing, the contractions, when she really started to feel something more than just, Oh, definitely something’s happening. I think we went from, Oh, I think something’s happening. I don’t know to, Oh yeah. We’re having contractions. I wanna say, around 10:30 or 11 is when she really started to feel them. And I reached out to the midwife Tatiana and our doula saying, Hey, things are starting to move along. Just so you guys know. We think that our water broke last night and we’re moving towards it. And I think between the time I first reached out to our care team to when Kelly was on all fours on the floor, not talking, was maybe less than two hours.

– Yeah. My sense of time during it was out the window. I remember being on all fours and it was daylight. And then I looked up and I had a baby in my arms and it was nighttime.I… Yeah, so…

– I had no sense of time.

– I started prepping stuff, contacted Tatiana and Monet and said I think it’s happening. She’s making the animal noises as care will.

– Those help do it?

– Don’t be embarrassed to make noises like that. ‘Cause helps in a very odd way. It made a huge difference for me.

– So I think our Doula Monet’s, she got to our house first, maybe around three and then talking on, I think he got there maybe three 30 ish, you know, I’d give or take some minutes. I’m not exactly sure in, Decomposition, because of COVID and the fact that Kelly’s mom works in billing at sharp, she was still exposed to people and everything was kind of crazy. So she didn’t really feel comfortable being, and we were, you’re happy that we had more than just the midwife or just the doula, because it allowed me to really kind of focus on being there for Kelly, and not having to worry about a lot of things and knowing that we had this great theme or plan in place. So I think you got into the pool almost immediately. That’s what she wanted. She wanted to be in the pool. We had some great warm water. We put on Steven Helper, who I am, whereas one of his top three fans on Spotify, because we were listening to him every night, but it’s the sleep that music works. That was something we needed just every night to go to sleep. Just I think the burn it into your subconscious.

– Yeah. It was really interesting during the birth listening to that, there were some songs that really kind of put me in a different place mentally that calmer, that more grounded. So it’s really interesting how that works. We did listen. Like Kevin said, “we listened to up music every night during the bed for months.”

– Without the words. Yeah.

– just as music.

– So we got her out of the tub. Couple of times. Use the bathroom. You think we were in the bathroom for maybe an hour, 45 minutes to an hour she had set up some candles and she bought this really been like copper light strands. So it was, you were, we had it in bathroom in our bedroom bathroom. We had weird lights everywhere just because we didn’t know where she was gonna want to end. Up transitioning into the bedroom for a very short period of time. But her hips were really bothering her and she did not make it to be on her side on the bed. So…

– Cool was great. And not only relaxed me, but I was able to be in different positions. Squatting was a big one. Yeah, it really helps sought of that.

– Yeah. So I think all in all her labor was about 12 hours, which I understand is pretty quick for first time drugs. And she was getting a little tired towards the end.

– So I’m really glad that I went back to sleep after my water broke. I definitely needed that energy.

– And then I think, one of the things that I liked so much about having a home birth, having a midwife versus an OB is that you are much more involved. I felt much more involved as a partner to be there, to know what’s going on. And so I had experienced an actual hospital birth where they’re just like, they’re not nobody’s around you. And then you gotta go find everybody. Then all of a sudden people you don’t know, come in and tell you, we’re going to do this. We’re going to do that. This was much different. There was a lot of like, how do you feel talking on his great about you wanna try this and Nick just about the time that Kelly was ready to just be done with it all Tatiana said, Hey, do you wanna, do you want me to see kind of where you are? Because part of our birth plan was Kelly and I didn’t wanna know what her dilation was. She didn’t wanna know how anything was. It does nothing for you other than stress you out. So I think, yeah, at about 600 half hours in closer to seven talking to said, Hey, do you want me to just see where you’re at? And then she checked and then she said, “give me your hand.” And so Kelly felt his head and he was so close. And I think it just kind of energized her like, Oh my God, this isn’t, another six hours he’s coming. But there we are. Yeah, not very long. Maybe you pushed for probably around an hour, little over an hour. If you do a home birth in the pool, your midwife will have this really cool thing. That’s like, I called the poop spatula. It’s this like shiny special ler thing that you can see the baby crowning. It’s so cool. It’s to me, I dunno. I’m weird. I guess it was so cool to see kind of what was going on and for angle it so that Kelly could see and just, it was… A little surreal. I have more of this oral memories of it is Sally was in body hormone LA land,

– Different work, different world

– And yeah. He or she pushed him out and around just after eight o’clock and it’s crazy. She went from being totally nonverbal out of it to being 100% like there in less than 30 seconds. It was crazy. It’s crazy to see how her body just was like, okay, baby’s here. She started crying and laughing and talking and she just kind of came back to the world to be with our son. And that whole experience was awesome. But I got to say that the best part was the aftercare. It wasn’t quick cut the cord, take him away, measure and weigh , poke him problem. They put him on her chest for about five or 10 minutes, then apologize profusely for having to deliver the placenta, which was not fun for her that I’d say they hung out in the pool for about 10 minutes. And then they basically ordered me to take my shirt off and I got him on my chest and we went into the bedroom while she got cleaned up. And I think she left a little bit more blood than talking I was comfortable with. So just wanted to make sure everything just it’s going good. She, I had him for maybe 10 minutes. I’m just on my chest in bed, in like our bedroom and just quiet, low light. They brought her back in. I gave him back to her and then I’d say all in all his cord was connected for about 90 minutes before they snipped it. And we saw it go from this thick purple, cue pulsing band to just this white looks like if you’re in spring rolls, you’ll never eat spring rolls again. That’s what it was like. It was so I dunno know. I’m weird. I thought it was super fascinating just to watch how Tatiana expected it, to make sure that everything was okay. I don’t think they do that stuff. Maybe they do it in a hospital. You never see it, but it was just, and then we hung out and our team clean everything. It was incredible, like. Towels, laundry,

– And it was…

– Took the pool down. Like it was, We came out of the bedroom. I came out maybe three hours later and it was our house.

– I think it was cleaner than before.

– And that was it. Yeah, I mean, so there was no having to leave the hospital a few days later, it was just hearing our happy little in your case or family and.

– We were able to have them immediately after and not worry about them taking him away and poking on, administering things that maybe we didn’t consent to. That was a big thing in the class too. Just giving informed consent and just being able to hold them and not worry about anything, it’s perfect. Really being verbal, the noises that I was making, Oh my God, that, that was huge for me.

– To play low.

– Yeah, keeping my noise really low because when it would become a bit too much for me and I’d start to get in my own head about what we were doing and if I could handle it any longer, I’d start to make very high pitch noises. And I think that that just intensified it and made it even worse or harder for me to handle. So being reminded to drop the tone of it, it’s really primal. I mean, it’s burned. It’s primal. You hear that come out for sure.

– She really seemed to like the water though. There was a lot of like taking care into the cup and just grizzling the water down her back and supporting the weight of the baby.

– The water definitely helped squatting was really nice and rocking back and forth as I was squatting, just getting in different positions. I think that I was in that position for quite a while, but things may be weren’t moving along trying to get in a different position and remembering that there are other options. There’s other things that you can do, that helped. And we also had little cards that I printed out and laminated, and they were strong over the fireplace and just different parts of the house with different affirmations. And so even though I feel like my eyes were closed for a lot of it, I could mentally see them because I did put them together and I need them.

– I looked at and I would tell her, “You got this, your body was made to do this.” so it’s easy for me.

– Yeah and I can visualize less of those help too.

– At one point towards the end, when you were so close and I felt she was being tired, I don’t know why. And I think this felt, but if you think about this, that you will have only so many contractions until the baby comes out. So she would have a big surge and I would, after it would be down and be like, alright, that’s, you’re just done. You never have to do that surge again, that one’s over. Like you’re running out, your surge bucket is getting empty.

– Another thing that I do wanna add being at home with our team, I do remember, I really don’t remember a ton just because I was in a different world, but I do remember getting up from the pool and going to the bathroom for a bit. And it was just having a night and we’ve had some privacy. I heard our birth theme talking in the kitchen and laughing about something. And that just, it reminded me that this is normal. This is birth. People do it every single day. Every experience is special, but it’s not something that’s uncommon and nothing was wrong. People were having a conversation on the other room, laughing about something. And it just made me realize nothing’s wrong.

– And there’s let us have time together.

– Yeah, we had time alone and…

– We look back at it and I’m gonna advocate for the dads or the partners in the relationship. You have a place, right? You have a place in this birth, it’s a supporting role for sure. Mom is doing all the hardest work, but the class, I think really emphasize it in our care key, emphasize it like you, you need to be present and participate, but also you may need to advocate too. Especially if you’re at a hospital, I’m one of the mentalities I have with this is your doctor, your employees. So don’t let them tell you what you have to do. It’s not there. So I’ve been in the other end of it where they’re just like, you’re gonna go do this.

– We were a team the whole time. And definitely keep that in mind during your births, your partners, your team work together and–

– Here’s the easy part by the way, ours is the easy part.

– Yeah, work together. And it’ll be perfect, no matter where you are.


About the author:
Care is the founder of the Birth Education Center, San Diego HypnoBirthing and Cuddle Sanctuary San Diego. She is a Birth Educator, Hypnotherapist, Birth and Postpartum Doula, INNATE Care Provider, Erotic Blueprint Coach and also professional Cuddler. She specializes in connection work between people and increasing self boundaries for a more balanced life together.


All group classes are held online with everyone’s cameras on to cultivate the intimacy between families.

We have no date yet for returning to in-person group classes.