Why A Home Birth?

By: Care Messer Hypnobirthing November 14, 2019


Why not a home birth? Before classes, this mom had known that a home birth was the direction she wanted to head but her husband was not on board. Through education, healthy checkups and a lot of questions – things changed. Choosing the right support team (a doula, two midwives and a granny) this family created an amazing environment for their son. Both parents felt fearless and calm entering into labor and her husband felt equipped with the tools and the information he needed to remain that way.
@birthwavesmidwifery   @bestbirthever

– We basically went from having a hospital plan birth to a very successful beautiful home birth because of the education and the classes, how we learned all the elements and all of our options and it just became kind of a kind of a natural progression to have a home birth.

– So, what we did to prepare for our birthing was number one we researched a lot of birthing classes, and we settled on Hypnobirthing. Actually I read a book many years ago and I’ve been doing self hypnosis for a long time and when we found out that we were pregnant I was like, “Oh, Hypnobirthing,” and I wasn’t sure if there were classes offered, and then I went online and typed in Hypnobirthing San Diego, and the birthing class came up for Care’s birthing education center and we signed up right away and that’s what we did. We read the books, we did all the things. What else did we do to prepare.

– Well you read the books and told me when to show up and–

– Basically, yeah.

– And we showed up.

– Yeah, it was, this is what we’re doing, get your ass in class. So, it was always my intention to have a home birth and when I told Lee this he decided that we should compromise, and so we had a conversation about it and so I decided that I okay I would compromise because this is also a big part of his decision making as well. So, we decided that we were going to do a birthing center inside the hospital, and as we were going through the classes, as we were going to our appointments and finding out that everything was healthy inside of my body, and my mindset and all of that. And also going to the birthing classes, the hypno birthing classes and learning about the differences between a hospital birth, a birthing center birth and a home birth, I think that that’s when we decided that we would look in, closer, to having a home birth because for me I wanted agency over my experience and I didn’t want to have, or be forced, or be, and have fear tactics put on me, and I think that that was the biggest part of why we switched, was because I felt that there were some times during our appointment processes at the birthing center in the hospital that they were using fear tactics on us, and that’s when we decided to change.

– Yeah, and when Claire referred us to a couple of doulas we interviewed a couple of very nice ladies, and the one we settled on kind of posed the question, well why not a home birth? She came here, and met with us and thought this would be a great beautiful place to have a home birth to, Why not a home birth? So we thought about it a little more, and I started taking it seriously, and then we interviewed from there we interviewed a few midwives and found one we were happy with and I found I was very excited to have a home birth. To just to have, you know the control over the environment and not everybody coming in and disturbing kind of our peace. So we were able to set a very peaceful harmonious environment.

– Yeah, and just having agency over that experience and knowing that we can have candles and music and, like Granny, my mother in love who I adore, said that it was the most romantic experience that she had ever had because she was also here for the birth, and it’s true. Like we just, I was just in a trance that entire time, and it was just such a peaceful environment that it was conducive to us bringing our son into the world in a way that was just incredible. We wouldn’t, I don’t think we would have had that experience any where else.

– So it was, I woke up on Saturday morning and I was feeling the surges come and they felt really different. They, I could feel it down in my pelvic area, and I knew it was time and so I did all the things that morning. I finished everything in my checklist, I actually took a shower, put my hair up, and on Saturdays Lee leads a boot camp and he had gone out for the morning and he came back and his general routine was or is that he’ll run, come home, take a shower, take a nap, and we were lying

– At least I am

– And we were lying in bed, and I was like, “Babe I really think that, think that I’m in labor.” and he looked at me and was like, “I think it’s a false alarm, he’ll be here next week.” I was like, “No I think, I think that it’s, I think that it’s time.” And so, but I went about my day, went grocery shopping I was in the middle of Trader Joe’s pushing my cart and I would feel the surge come on I would stop and hold on, just have the surge in the middle of the pasta aisle, and then we just went through out the day. They just got closer and closer, and I just felt like, you know as it got closer and once we got to 411, which was something we learned in class, we texted our doula, and our midwives to let them know what was going on and from there I, there’s this thing called labor amnesia. I don’t remember very much, so Lee’s going to have to take over from here.

– Well from there I started putting things together with the birthing pool here on our outdoor patio. So we wanted to have, have this process here outside as far as the birthing pool. We weren’t sure that’s where he was going to be born, but it turned out he was born exactly were you’re standing here, right here, and it was right at sun set. So the sun was setting and it was the most peaceful environment, and so from that point I started getting things prepared lining up candles, lighting candles getting the music set, and really just making it a very quiet sanctuary because it was just we had actually two midwives, one doula, my mother and me as the only guy here and, but it was just no point during this process did things seem chaotic or out of control or any way get excited. Everybody was just very easy, very easy. So I think, I think your midwife said that she was surprised how well I handled it for some reason

– She did

– She thought I would be the one, energetic with my personality. So, yeah, I mean, it, the labor process was I mean it took over night, so it was like a 30 hour process before he came to font. That was Saturday, Saturday midday when that happened, and he was born Sunday at 8 o’Clock. At no point did Linda ever want to give up, so I really acknowledged her in due for being really strong mentally. So what I caution people to not, for home birthing is I think, the mother has to really have the true intention that should be proceeding, is healthy, then we’re going to do this, and that was our commitment to each other, that we’re not going to give up, if there were any medical reasons to leave we were prepared to do that, but until then, 29 hours ago, okay well it is what it is, you know? We were here the whole time, together and we were in and out of birthing pool and in different parts of the house, doing a lot of the positions we learned in class from rocking, to cradling, to spooning in bed,

– To the sifting.

– To the sifting,

– We did all of that yeah.

– Everything, and ultimately Huxley was born in the birthing pool. I was in the birthing pool, and then the midwives were on the outside and so I was in the pool and I could feel his head crowning, and he came out right In my hands. It was the most, uh.

– You got me crying it was so good. It was really cool, really cool.

– Yeah. It was the most

– Innocent, beautiful. There are no words to describe how.

– It was the most incredible experience in my lifetime, and I can’t imagine letting a hospital and profession, Well professionals take that away from me The midwives are there to support us, and help in this

– And rob us from that experience.

– Yeah this beautiful baby came out and it was just right in my hands and then we were able to put him on your chest in the pool for an extended amount of time

– It was more than 30 minutes.

– And then come inside on the couch and relax in the blanket with you and him on your chest, and the umbilical cord still attached. So we waited a full one and a half hour before they had me cut it, and then I, only after that did I hold him by myself maybe that was when you were?

– I was giving birth to the placenta.

– Placenta, yeah, I think that was when I got to step in, we were giving birth to the placenta. So yeah looking back, now I’m very, very happy we made the decision to go to your class Claire if it wasn’t for your class we wouldn’t have been educated, I wouldn’t have felt comfortable. So it’s all about getting educated here, and you know some people might go to the class and not feel comfortable and that’s okay, we had healthy markers from every checkup from every professional. So they said we were at high risk because of her age, yet there wasn’t any specific thing they could point to, to say like “This is what makes you high risk.” You want blood pressure, or heart rate, or the baby’s heart rate. So everything was healthy, I wouldn’t have been comfortable if everything wasn’t healthy. So I look at it as an intelligent decision, not a decision that was taken lightly at all, and just get educated if it fits for you, great. I can just tell you for us, it’s a birthing experience that I wouldn’t trade for a million dollars, if they said, “Go to the hospital do it again.” I wouldn’t do it, I wouldn’t do it even it was just too

– It was too precious.

– It was too precious, too memorable and to be able to have that last a lifetime and too share that with him.

– Exactly.

– Huxley.

– Yeah, and what I remember also now, it’s slowly coming back. I was like in a trance the entire time, and I think that, that was because I was able to, I wasn’t scared at all. There was no fear in my mind and my body, and one of my affirmations is I trust the wisdom of my body and I trust the wisdom of my baby, And through out the day that was just replaying over and over in my mind, and that’s just something that we learned in class, through the books, through the Hypnobirthing books, and just being able to get out of my own way was incredible because I just let my body do the work and when people ask me, “Well, wasn’t it painful?” I, you know for me it wasn’t painful, it was a high level of discomfort that, that was intense for sure but it wasn’t like getting cut by a knife or it wasn’t that kind of pain it was just a high level of discomfort. And by the way I cut my foot four days before I gave birth to our son, and that was way more painful and it totally freaked me out, but it was way more painful than the actual birthing process.

– The last maybe ten minutes of birthing, like, I could feel his head and I was so exhausted and as my midwife was guiding me through the process to get him out as soon as his head came out, I was like, “Oh God, you know, this is like the wherril warrior where we’re at the tail end.” And she said, “You can wait for your next surge, or you can push him out now.” and I was like, “I’m pushing this baby out, now.” And so, as soon as he came out, I was just washed over with, with euphoria is the best word that I can use to describe that feeling, and when I held him in my chest it was just like most incredible, precious thing, and I don’t even have the words to describe what that feeling is like, but it was, just number one, a relief to have him out of my body and it was it as just so incredible to be able to hold him and look at him and hear his cry like he sneezed and it was just like the cutest thing I ever heard. And, and then Lee was the first to see him and he came out, I was on all fours and he came out backwards.

– Yeah he came out towards me, and he was halfway out, he’s underwater, and he’s looking up. His eyes are open, his lips were super bright red. His eyes are open looking up at me, in the water, he’s about maybe just 6 inches under the water, and that was just a position for about maybe 30 seconds, and the midwife said you can wait or you can push and it was that last push that he came all the way out he stayed under the water, and then we passed him back under her legs and he came up and out and onto her chest.

– Yeah, and it was so cool. So Cool.

– So I was the first to see him.

– He was the first to see him.

– And hold him.

– And I was a little jealous of that.

– Yes, it was really beautiful, amazing.

– Yep

– So one of the things I like to say, that I’m actually I’m stealing Miss Dolly Parton is that I don’t give advice I give information. And so what, what was really important for us when we were going through the birthing process and when I was pregnant, was number one just getting really educated finding out all our classes, all of our options, and and for me I, I am a sponge I just need to know everything all the time and I won’t need to do everything just so I have the best chance of having a successful whatever it is, in this case obviously it is having the best birth experience and so everything that was recommended we did basically. Except maybe massage in pool, wherever it is was, anyways it was the water massage. But I got a massage, pretty much twice a week, or no once a week until our birthing. Just ate a ton of protein, that was key and I don’t know just felt like I, I wanted to be educated on all the things and do all the things, which you know we found out to do at Claire’s class, all the things, so we did all the things.

– Yes?

– Got anything to say?

– You did them very well. I think what I would offer to perhaps the fathers is perhaps, is just being in the moment and really being there for her, and creating that calm peaceful environment so that she can be calm, I need to stay calm, and just holding her hand, giving her food, giving her the little protein cookies, having her drink, just keeping her nourished, and hydrated and being there and just

– Being that rock, you were so good at that. I thank you.

– And not showing any fear, I didn’t have any fear, so there’s nothing to show which is projecting that confidence that we can do this.

– We’re in it together.

– Yeah, we’re in it together, this is going to happen. There’s no need to get alarmed. Yeah.

About the author:
Care is the founder of the Birth Education Center, San Diego HypnoBirthing and Cuddle Sanctuary San Diego. She is a Birth Educator, Hypnotherapist, Birth and Postpartum Doula, INNATE Care Provider, Erotic Blueprint Coach and also professional Cuddler. She specializes in connection work between people and increasing self boundaries for a more balanced life together.